did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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