So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
