Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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