so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize