The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Randomize
