How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
