Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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