According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
