so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize