I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
