Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
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