Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
