my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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