Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
