I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
