I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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