I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
