Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
