I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
