I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
