i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
