My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
