Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i love accidental penises.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
