There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
tell me about the eggs
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
