I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
