I wanna bring you to show and tell
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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