i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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