you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I want her autograph on my taint
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
