Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize