I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
