Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
did i just pee glitter
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
false alarm, still single
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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