i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
