I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
