So drunk its hurt
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
