I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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