dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
