she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
