My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
