I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
