alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
