mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
