I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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