Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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