I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
