He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
