everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
