I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
