i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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