Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
she peed on how many people?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
