I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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