I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
