i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
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