I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Randomize
