i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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