it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
