You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
