this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
