foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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