I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
