A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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