OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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