Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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