You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
