i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
