party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize