Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
