how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
