What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
