Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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