I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize