Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
