I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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