Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
