It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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