So drunk its hurt
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
