You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
