I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
