I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
