I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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