This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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