I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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