She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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