so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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