He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
