Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
