And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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