So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
this hospital has no fireball
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
