I hate all girls vehemently.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
