does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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