Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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