I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
