dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
This baby is an asshole
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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