I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
