Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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