Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
