he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
