Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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