normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
did i walk over a car last night?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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