I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
