You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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