My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize