Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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