I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize