he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
