a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
