my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
