i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
