went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
